Expectations For the Family

In our house, I have created some expectations. Like any other expectations in life, they are tough to adhere to. But I wanted to share:

(Note: These are listed in order of importance)

• 1. Take care of your health: Mental Health -and- Physical Health

This is critically important to create a focus on both mental health and physical health. This includes, but is not limited to: taking prescribed medicines as prescribed (a previous struggle for Kid K), maintaining hygiene (brushing teeth, showers, deodorant etc), getting an appropriate amount of rest, seeing your counselor or therapist, time for self-care every day.

The Consequences: If you complete all of these things you will lead a tolerable and healthy life. If you do not complete these things, your life can become negative instead of tolerable or happy. Not taking care of your mental health *will* affect your physical health and all things in your life.

• 2. Take care of your school related things

This is pretty self-explanatory. Arrive to school on time. Do your best on school work and homework.

The consequences: If you arrive on time, you will not miss anything and can stay on top of all of your assignments. If you do not arrive on time, you will be grounded from screens: 1st day late: Everybody gets one. 2nd day late: 2 days grounded. 3rd day late: 3 days grounded and so on.

If you do not try your best, your grades will suffer. If you tried your best, but your grades are not good we will work together to find a solution. However, if you are not doing well and do not ask for help along the way, I will be disappointed.

• 3. Help around the house

There are assigned chores in the house as well as a general “Clean Up After Yourself Rule”

Consequences: If you clean up after yourself and complete your assigned chores, you will become a more responsible person and you are helping the family. Having a clean space makes the house more relaxing for everyone and reduces stress. If you do not clean up after yourself, I will take away internet privileges.

Everything else is pretty much play it by ear. The expectations can be dynamic and have changed over time. Consequences may change to adapt to the kids needs and/or wants. I have considered adding additional incentive rewards for certain things. They usually do not work for our family, but they may work for another family.

Of course, the expectations are slightly different for Lil’ Luke. These expectations were created before he was born. (Although, they were not written down, just in my head and not shared until after he was born.) To adapt for him: He needs to take his bath every day, even if he does not want to. He needs to also take his medicine. He helps pack his backpack for pre-k. He has to clean up his own toys (with help.) The consequences are slightly different, he may need a quiet time or to be redirected. Stickers are a great reward.

We still struggle with these expectations that have been set. Getting children to take their medicine every day, even life-saving medicine can be difficult to do. Finding time for each of us to do a specific self-care activity has been incredibly difficult considering the constant back and forth that you would expect from a family of five. But these expectations are important to me as a parent and they are critical skills my little foolish mortals will need as they become adults themselves.

Can you share what your expectations are for your family? Have you ever broken them down into small, manageable chunks? Do you struggle to keep up with them?